First and foremost, I’M SORRY. Some of you (much to my surprise) have noticed my absence and have queried it. Here is an explanamation:

I started reading a few other blogs and I don’t know, I began to doubt my writing ability or something. I love to cook, but I would never want to be a chef because that would make it work and I would have to slave over a hot stove and cook for a gajillion people for hours and then have to clean unless I had a dish dude… I digress a little but what I’m trying to say is that I love writing in much the same way and when I started reading other people’s blogs and seeing what they did with them I started to compare and then there was pressure and even though I kept writing I hesitated to publish because I didn’t feel like I could compare BUT now I got over it thanks to a silly little goofy artsy fartsy smart friend-non-friend of mine who made me realise I shouldn’t give a shit and I should keep doing it for ME.

So here I am, folks! Clearly that was an unedited post, super long sentences and all, but I just wanted to get it out before I changed my mind!

They say the first step is always the hardest, and while I wrote and rewrote a gajillion and just didn’t want to publish them, I feel that I made it now. Done being sappy, I made like a Schwarzenegger and I’m back!

LAHV YOU!

Okay. This is a post on STRESSURE. Life is so up and down and it’s apparently impossible to have an amazing day/evening without the next day/evening being, to put it mildly, fucking sucky.

I posted a while ago on taking on too much and what an amazing thing that was, and apparently (again) I was SEVERELY mistaken with regards to how much I could actually do. I’m pretty sure it could have worked out, except Murphy (inventor of this stupid thing), went and made something go wrong in every project that I have so it all got delayed and now everything needs to be done AT THE SAME TIME.

EJOFIAWEJOFIAQQAA.

Maybe time management is my problem, or, digging deeper, the lack of care! I put everything I have into something until the next thing comes on, and when that happens the original things begin to bore me and really, how much can you care about something that doesn’t excite you?

Normally, I make like an ostrich and put my head in the sand and just deal with the consequences when I have to, but apparently I’ve become an Adult somewhere in between and am now actually trying to get it all together and deal with everything head on. Unfortunately, doing this is leaving me feeling like a Smart Car. They’re cute, so it would be okay, except I feel like one that is currently colliding head-on with a 2893084230-ton lorry.

This image is simply a representation of what can happen to a Smart Car in a similar (but nowhere near as rough) circumstance. Please empathise with my lorry situation.

Luckily, I am feeling like that Smart Car in just a figurative sense. As long as I continue being a workaholic until this is all over I should still be alive! Anyway, the point of this post was to implore you to be patient and let you know I’ll be around more after the next two weeks of hell are over, and hopefully sooner!

Peeeeeeeeeeeeace! :)

P.S. I also just found out my cousin is pregnant and I’m going to be an aunt… again! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (See, good comes with the bad!)

[I'm MAD. So I don't know if this post will be even remotely entertaining or if it'll even make sense. But here you go anyway. I apologise in advance if you hate it, but you are here for my therapy... remember?!]

Okay. So I like spontaneity. I like change. In fact, I like to think that I positively thrive in dynamic environments. But there are definitely some situations in which I’m so wtf’d out and get so frustrated I want to castrate a cow. Which isn’t something I’d actually do nor is it something I have an interest in. But I read an article on cow castration an hour ago so it was kind of the first thing I thought of. Again, not on purpose.

Random changes-of-mind that result in expectations not being met and mood swings without valid reasons are what I just cannot take. It maks me argh and grr and EIOFJAOEIWFJOAWIEFF like nothing else. Here are a couple of scenarios to aid your understanding:

1. Unmet (for stupid reasons) expectations that you were justified to have to begin with.

You are soooooooooooooo excited to go on your first road trip. You’ve spent weeks planning it with your super good super awesome friend from childhood that you haven’t seen in ages, and you think ooh, we’re going to get to bond, eat lots of random food, listen to silly songs in the car with the wind blowing through our hair while singing at the top of our lungs, yippee. But then kaboom!

The road trip of dreams. (I drew a dashed line through it to represent dashed plans but it ruined my drawing so I deleted it.)

Your plans are dashed. She texts (not calls - texts), to let you know that she has broken her toe/fought with her significant other/eaten a shrimp and that’s against her vegan principles so she has to freak out and repent by not going on a fun road trip. You become dismal. No reason could justify this breach of friendship in your eyes (okay, maybe death or a fall that resulted in guts exploding out). You’ve built up expectations… and now your hopes and dreams are far away in a desolate thought bubble, floating further and further away with every minute. DEPRESSING. And anger-inducing.

2. You have a psycho parent/friend/cousin/customer.

They are all ooh and nice and excited and generally going with the swing of things and even complimenting your work or something. And then kaboom!  Their emotions get the best of them and stuff they’ve been holding inside without you even knowing is all of a sudden unleashed on your pretty little head and you’re just standing there in shock. You didn’t realise they had all these feelings or thoughts or emotions, not because you are a non-caring person, but because they are store-inside-until-they-burst assholes or some little thing feels out of their control and wham they explode. You are the poor innocent victim of their misdirected lava-like rage through no fault of your own. A mood swing at its worst. They were so happy-go-lucky and so were you and then it all just went away. Not because there was a real reason to be upset, but because some avoidable internal struggle just came to a head. (Their head. And out of their mouth. Only to erupt on you.) Because they just are not the type of people to be able to relax and take out-of-the-ordinary things in stride.

So anyway, those are the kinds of change I can’t stand. Now that that’s off my chest, p-p-p-peace homies!

UPDATE: I’ve compiled a list of some things I’d rather do than castrate a cow when I’m mad so that I never get so mad that I actually look for a cow to castrate only because it’s the first thing I think of. Everyone knows you can’t think all that great when you’re MAD. Here it is:

Animal abuse bad. Find other things.

1. Eat Menchie’s fro-yo with strawberries and chocolate krackle. YUM.
2. Eat an Oreo ice cream cookie in a park. (Weather permitting. Or not. Doubt it’d matter if I’m THAT MAD.)
3. Eat Baskin Robbins/Haagen Dazs chocolate ice cream with one of the little spoons instead of the big ones. It’s just more satisfying that way.
4. Lie down and listen to angry music. Not like Marilyn Manson or The Pretty Reckless, but more like music that has a beat that suits the angry racing heartbeat I’d have in that situation.
5. Eat cheese and onion or potato pasties from England. Or potato burekas from Tastee’s since those are the only comparable thing where I live.
6. Jump into a pool and submerge myself under water. (Only for a bit, I’m not suicidal.)

I’m not usually the biggest fan of ice cream, so I’m not sure why I’d turn to it when I’m MAD necessarily. Perhaps I subconsciously succumb to the ‘logic’ that angry = hot, therefore ice cream = way to cool down the hot.

UPDATE #2: I was MAD when I unleashed this post onto Notepad. (Yes, Notepad. It’s awesome.) This is what I actually ended up doing instead of castrating a cow (below). It involves the consumption of yumibles (yummy edibles). (In case you didn’t guess that it would after my list above.)

Double chocolate, milk chocolate, and ménage à trois. Jealous? (Hi. I'm the cookie. Click me. I'll make your mouth water. That's right. ;) Baby.)